After I lost you once
by nannulainen
Summary: Hinata brokes down after Kageyama's death before he could confess his feelings. Eh? Did he die? Contents death, blood, swearing and same gender pairing. And sex. Sorry. KageHina
1. Chapter 1

**Hello there!**

 **This is my first KageHina story, hope you like it.**

 **I'm very sorry for the typos in advance, it's late night, about 2 am, and I'm sooooo fucking tired.**

 **So, obviously my inspiration to write lift it's head. I'll check this tomorrow with a freasher eyes.**

 **Please, review if you liked it :)**

 **Edit. i fixed some missing words, fixed some sentences and few other things. Oh damn that was embarrassing. I'm gonna write one more chapter, some fluff and hot chocolate to balance this chapter's sadness and angst.**

* * *

 _~He felt lost._

 _Where am I?_

 _Who am I?_

 _Who is that wringled old guy with a dead look in his eye's, looking from the reflection of the window?_

 _What is this pain I feel?_

 _I feel so empty._

 _Something's missing.~_

The short old man, still a hint of orange in his grey hair, still as wild as in his teens, whimpered as he sat on his usual spot in his house.

"Ojisan, please move with us. We're all worried of you." A pretty ginger woman in her late twenty's begged next to him. Holding his hand in her's. "You have to stop living in the past, he's not coming back."

The old man just stared blankly out of the window.

"Okaasan's wating for you. She wishes to see you. She hopes to spend her last years with her loved oniisan."

"Where's Kageyama?" The silent question escapes from the old man's lips.

The woman flinches as the most feared question is asked. The question answered so many times. And everytime the answer chattered the heart of her gentle, once so cheerful big brother of her okaasan, and as well hers.

"Kageyama's not here anymore. He died years ago, when he saved you. Don't you remeber?" The woman finally says with a very shaky voice, after a long silence, tears running down from her cheeks.

"Kageyama's... dead..?" Old man whispers. And right after that the memories floods once again

* * *

"Ne! Kageyama!" Hinata shouts as he jumps exitedly next to his friend and volleyball partener as they were on their way home after practise. "You saw that last spike I landed right through Tsukishima's block? It went through like WHAAAAM! It felt so GOOD! And I was like GWAAH! And Tsukishima's face was like AAARRGHH!"

"Shut up, dumpass! You're too loud!" Kageyama snorts. "Though that was the best face what he'd ever made. Haven't seen him get so irked before! Hahahaa!"

"I know!" Hinata smiles the trademark radiant whole face smile of his, but suddenly it vanishes and he gets little flustered and he stops walking. "Nee... Kageyama..."

"Hm? What is it, dumpass?" Kageyama grins his creepy (but cute) smile as he lets that megane-kun's expression linger in his minds.

"The-...T-there's something I-I've wanted to t-tell you..." Hinata stutters as he tries to force himself to speak out, even though he feels like dying from embarrassment. "Please don't hate me after I've said it!"

"Fine. Speak up." Kageyama stares at Hinata, waiting to hear something stypid from his mouth again.

"Um... K-Kag-Kag-Ka-Kageyama" Hinata shuts his eyes and clearly is trying to collect all his bravery. "Kageyama! I lo-"

"HINATAWATCHOUT!" Kageyama cuts panicked and pale expression on his face, and bushes him to the side of the road.

There's a huge crash and a sickening thud before piersing monotone howl from the car's horn.

"Kag-Kageyama...?" Hinata whispers, harsh fear burning in his heart, as he slowly climbs up. He keeps his eyes shut. He can't look. He don't want to confirm, what he already knows. But he has to.

Hinata slowly opens his eyes, gaze pointing to his feet, and slowly starts to lift his gaze. Inch by inch. And finally he sees it.

Instantly his stomach turns upside down and he looses all its content without turning his eyes of the sight in front of him. Kageyama half laying on top of a car as it had hit to the wall, Kageyama in between. Blood on the wall, on the car and the blank eyes of Hinata's friend, whom he loved. That before so cute creepy face, now all bloody and broken.

Hinata hears a cry. And soon he realizes it's coming from himself.

He collapses to the ground, still crying and not long when people starts to cather to the scene.

Hinata feels strong arms wrap around him and a familiar husky voice murmuring to his ear to sooth him.

"Hinata! Hinata!" Ukai-san's voice echoes through his hazy mind and he lightly notices that they're not so far from Sakanoshita store.

Hinata doesn't have any idea what Ukai's saying, but his soft murmurs envelopes him inside as he bawls against his coach's chest.

Everything what happened after that went in a blur. The funeral, the anguished faces of their team. Teams from other schools. Hinata's expressionless being shocking everyone. Breaking their hearts. Even the Grand King came to talk and tried to comfort him. And seeing no use of words, he yanked Hinata to his embrance and everyone around them could see him cry hard when Hinata didn't.

Not much flashes after that. Random new faces, new places. Constant agony in his heart. Familiar faces and consoling voices. Heartbroken glances. Then the blissfull silence as Hinata escapes to nothing. Escapes inside of the past and the present remains untouched.

* * *

"HAAHH!" Hinata gasp as he comes to, tears flooding from his eyes. The familiar smell of the gym hits right to his face as the voices around him reaches to his consiousness.

"I KILLED HIM!" Asahi's panicked cry echoed around the gym.

"Hinata! You okay?!" Takeda-sensei's startled voice shouting. "He's dead! A-a-ambulance!"

"Calm down, sensei! Not that ambulance again!" Ukai-san shouting at him. "He's fine!"

"Hinata. Are you okay? Do you know where you are?" Sugawara-senpai's gentle voice murmuring at him as he tries to examine did Hinata damage his head this time.

"Kageyama!" Hinata lets a startled cry and stoods up way too fast and is soon on his way back to the floor as the vision flips black. Or would've been if Daichi hadn't managed to scoop him from under his arms.

"Hinata, you dumpass!" Kageyama shouts from next them. "What the fuck you think you're doing, huh!? Get back down and lay still! Dumbass!"

Hinata ignores Kageyama's words and shoves Daichi away, surprising the team captain, and stumbles against Kageyama sending them both to the floor.

"What the fuck Hinata?!" Kageyama startes to fume, not only by anger, but all the anger dies flat as he feels Hinata wrap his tiny arms around his torso _~oh my go, oh my goood~_ and Hinata's muffeled sobs and ununderstandable mumble shocks the poor setter, and the other team, as totally heartbroken Hinata bawls his eyes out against Kageyama's chest.

"H-hoy... Hinata..." Worried by the Cutest and Strongest Decoy's, the one he seacretly loved, behaviour Kageyama whispers. "Wh-what is it?"

"Y-y-you...W-w-w-wh-why'd..." Hinata sobbed. "Wh-wh-why'd y-you d-d-do 'at?"

"Wh-what? Why did I do what?!" Kageyama was confused and was sending the help pleas to the shocked team surraunding them. No help from there, they was as dumpfound as he. The whole day had been normal.

"W-wh-why'd yo-you sa-saved me! Y-yo-you d-died! Ba-bakageyama!" Hinata bawled to his disgustingly wet shirt, adding quite of an ammout of snot on it. "W-hen y-you d-died, I-I lo-ost e-every-th-ing! Ever-y-one c-cried! E-even the Grand Kin-ng!"

"Hina.. wha...?" Now very flustered Kageyama tried to cut in.

"I think it's best to let him finish." Suga whispered to Kageyama.

"Bakageyama! Y-you j-just le-t me d-die! I-I ca-n't li-ve with-out yo-you! I g-got s-so very o-old and lonely! So pityfuuuul! I'd rather d-die than be-become li-like th...at..."

And just like that Hinata was out again. Luckily just asleep which could be told from the soft snore.

"Hinata..." Sugawara sniffeled.

" . .THAT." Disgusted Tsukishima asked. Though his voice broke a little and there was a little red under his eyes, which couldn't be hided from Suga's mother... ehrm... sharp eyes. ~ _Oh how cute and lovable tsundere he is.~_

"We better let him rest." Ukai-san opened his mouth. "Okay. Let's end our practise from today. Takeda-sensei will take Hinata to his home. Asahi, Tanaka, take Hinata to sensei's car."

But it seems like Hinata's not willing to go. Hinata unconsiously clings to Kageyama and only sniffles and buries his face harder against Kageyama as they tries to wake him up.

"UGH!" The beet red Kageyama flinches Hinata's ard squeeze. "Umm... I guess Hinata can come to my place today. My parents are out of the town anyway."

"That should 's not school tomorrow anyway. I'll need to call her mother first and inform her for the happenings and ask if that's okay." Takeda-sensei dig's the phone and takes the call.

* * *

Kageyama closes the door right after he had send Takeda-sensei off after he had dropped the students at Kageyama's house and after he'd assured Kageyama to call if he needed something.

Kageyama headed back to his room to go to sleep too after he'd make sure Hinata were still asleep. He laid down on to the futon and listened Hinata's soft breathing in the bed. ~ _What was that burst about?~_ And soon he too was sound asleep, only to be woken by Hinata shouting in his nightmare.

"Hinata! It's okay! Everything is fine!" Kageyama assured and leapt to Hinata's side and caressed his damp orange hair.

Hinata's eyes shot open and he started to bawl again, still half asleep. "Kageyama... don't le-leave me. I-I love you..."

Kageyama felt a huge hotwave to run from his head to toes and something snapped in his head.

Kageyama grabbed from Hinata's chin and landed his lips firmly on the others and let his arms coil around the smaller teen.

"Hinata..." He whispered. And started to plant soft kisses all over Hinata's face. "I'm here. And I'm never gonna leave you, bumdass."

Kageayma watched as a warm smile started to shine again in Hinata's eyes.

"U..un..."


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello again!**

 **I know I promised some fluff, and yeah, there is, but this is mostly porn. Sorry.**

 **I hope you still like it nd please review, if you do :)**

* * *

The next day Hinata wakes up a familiar warmth next to him. ~did natsu crawl in again?~ Hinata's thoughts were a little hazy.

He slowly opens his heavy eyelids and stares at the wall for a moment. ~That's not my wall.~

"Unng... Dumbass, you awake?" Kageyama's sleepy whisper shivers against his neck as he feels how Kageyama buries his face deeper in his hair and squeezes him closer.

"Ka-Kageyama?" Hinata whispers back with an unsteady voice. "I'm sorry..."

"What's with that, dumbass?" Kageyama chuckles. "No need. Though you scared the shit out off everyone yesterday. What was that?"

"Don't know. That was... weird." Hinata pondered and turned around and puried himself to Kageyama's chest. "I'd like to forget that."

"Yeah..." Kageyama mutters, enjoying the slow moment before they have to get out of their bubble.

"Un... Ka-Kageyama.."

"Mm..?" Ravenhead hums.

"Ju-just to be sure... I-I remember me sa-saying to you that I lo-love you... and since you didn't freak out... wi-will you go out with... me?" Hinata muffles his face hot red from a embarrassment.

"I... I guess there's no choice then. Yeah." Kageyama smirks from joy, face burning. "Ca-can't leave you in love alone. Beside's, I can't do anything without my spiker. So I gotta keep him happy."

"Whoa. That was cool, Kageyama." Hinata says lifts his head to look up to the other's face and flashes his sunny smile again.

"Wha.. what are you saying, dumbass?" Kageyama blushes even harder while Hinata laughs at him cheerfully. "Shut up!"

And just to shut the ginger's mouth he grabs to his chin and kisses him. It's was a success. And when Kageyama startes to depart, Hinata quickly follows and deepens their kiss,not allowing it to end.

The kiss grows hotter as their tounges dances against each other. Moans escapes from both of them and soon their hands starts to move.

Kageyama's hands sliding down against Hinata's body to grab his ass.

Hinata tugs his hands under Kageyama's shirt and runs his fingers up against to his spine.

Kageyama shivers madly and a moans against Hinata's mouth.

"We... ah... should stop..." Kageyama tries to cut. A miserable attempt.

"I can't. Don't wanna." Hinata murmurs.

"Oh shit... Me neighter!" Kageyama gives up and soon Hinata's clothes flies to the floor.

"Whoa!" Hinata's back arches when Kageyama teases his nippels by sucking, biting and licking them, pinching with his long fingers.

"Uwaah!" Hinata moans and digs his hands to the setters hair. "Me too! I wanna touch you! Ta-take your clothes off!"

Kageyama stoods up to take them off and right after he gets the last piece off, he finds Hinata's hands caressing and grobing at his thighs, butt and waist while sprinkeling kisses and little bites around his stomach and hips. All Hinata's touches sends shivers right to his crotch where his perky member already begs for attention.

"Ungh..Hi-hinata!" Kageyama lets a startled moan when Hinata's lips, finally, answers to those begs.

Hinata runs his tounge up from his length and licks it's head before taking it to his mouth.

"Hi-hinata! Enough!" Kageyama begs, but his own hands dives in the gingery locks. ~So hot!~ His legs starts to shiver as Hinata sucks while he fondles with his balls with his tiny hand and lets out so delicious moans which arouses Kageyama even more. "Uh.. Hi.. Hinata... ah-ha... s' good... I'm gonna... Uwaah!"

Kageyama comes hard to Hinata's mouth and the ginger makes sure to drink it all up. It tastes gross but still it's intoxicating.

"Y-your turn." Kageyama pushes Hinata down to his back and takes Hinata's twitching dick to his hand and gives it a firm sgueeze while rubs it's slick head from precum, before starts jerk up and down with stong strokes.

"Hinata. Do you trust me?" Kageyama asks almost desperatedly, eyes burning from stong need, as Hinata's adorable moans throws more gas to the flames.

Hinata shakes his head up and down, drowning to the pleasure caused by Kageyama's hand.

But it's not enough. Hinata wants Kageyama even closer and cried from frustration when Kageyama removes his hand and vanishes from somewhere. "Ka-Kageyama?"

But soon Kageyama's back, asks Hinata to rise his hips before slips a pillow under him before pours something to his hands. "Just relax. It'll feel good soon."

"Wh-what? Ah!" Hinata yelpes when Kageyama's slick hand starts to stoke his lenght again while sucking it's head.

Soon Hinata feels a finger rubbing his entance before it slips in. "UWAAH! Kageyama!"

"Relax, Hinata." Kageyama murmured.

"Easy you to say! You don't have a finger in your as- AH!" Hinata startles when Kageyama's finger hit to a strange spot. "What was THAT?!"

"Eh..? Here?" Kageyama fodles his finger again and hits the spot again which makes the ginger to jolt vigorously.

Kageyama adds one more finger with enormous amount off handcream and starts to violate Hinata's sugarspot again while his other slick hand stroke his dick and Kageyama's moth sucked his balls gently.

"Uwaah... Kageyama!" Hinata moans and he feel like he's dying. Nothing could feel so good and not be lethal.

One more finger and there's now three fingers making their magic in Hinata and he thinks he's coming crazy. "P-plese... Kageyama!"

"Not yet."

"Kageyama!" Hinata tried to collect his compose and squint at his setter, but it seemed that his brain had melted to a hot mush. "I want you! Now!"

With a grunt Kageyama slips his fingers out and turns Hinata to his knees. "Keep your hips up. Relax. Breath."

Kageyama lubricated his mini-me and pushed it against Hinata's entrance and slow steady thrust in. ~Oh god this feels so good!~ "Yo-you okay?"

"I-I'm fine! Move!" Hinata moaned as his body shivered, almost already ready to come.

Kageyama grits his teeths and starts to thurst with a slow pace, forcing himself to hold back the need to use full force, his fingers digging in to Hinata's hips. There's probably gonna be dark marks later, but he can't care a bit since Hinata's moaning and crying so deliciously under him as his dick hits to the right place over and over again as their pace grows faster and faster and more rigid and desperate.

Their moans blends as they both feels the burn to flow from their stomachs, forcing its way out and not long and they both collapses down in a pile of gasping mess, Kageyama bearly manages to avoid from crushing Hinata with his weight.

"Ho-how... you were... so... good... Bakageyama?" Hinata fights for his share of air. "I... I hate you... all so composed..."

"Wh-what?! What are you saying?! Dumbass!"

"You were!"

"No I wasn't!"

"Yes you were!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"Wait. Stop. Why are we even arguing about this!?"

"I don't know!"

And then they both started laughing.

* * *

Couple weeks later Hinata and Kageyama were walking together out of the school gates. Hinata was supposed to crash at Kageyama's that night.

Their practise had just ended and it had been quite an success. And because of that, Kageyama couldn't understand why the ginger had been so silent. Hinata hadn't even rub his successful spike through Saltyshimas block, which had brought them victory, to Tsukishima's face. He had just paled and went to grab some water, leaving Kageyama and Tsukishima glancing weirdly after him.

"Oi. Dumbass."

Hinata just kept walking onward, perfectly sunk in his thoughts.

Oi! Hinata!" Kageyama grabber from the ginger's head and forced him to stop. "Stop thinking so hard! You're gonna hurt yourself!"

"Tetete! Shut up, Kageyama!" Hinata snapped at him and shoved his hand off.

"Now spit it. What's wrong?"

"I... I've this strange deja vu feeling. Like something bad is going to happen." Hinata glanced around them hastily before set his eyes back at his boyfriend. "Co-could we stop at that park for a while?"

Kageyama was tired and hungry after their practise and he couldn't wait to get home and hit the bed. He was about to snap at the ginger when he saw how Hinata looked somehow so vulnerable that he forced himself to calm down.

"... sure."

"Th-thank you..."

They sat down to the swings and glanced to the stars in a silence.

"So... wanna talk it out?"

"I don't know." Hinata paused to think for while. "When I hit the last spike... It felt like I had done that before..."

"Yeah. Right!" Kageyama snorted out loud. "You've been dreaming!"

"Shut up!" Hinata snarled back at him before his expression sunk back to confusion. "It felt so real so it send shivers down to my spine and cold swet to my skin."

"... Don't worry. You've just been dreaming."

"Yeah. Maybe you're right."

"Of course I am. Come on. Let's go. I'll buy you a meat bun."

They were still few blocks away from Sakanoshita store, when they hear a loud crash and a monotone howl.

Hinata stumbles to his knees all color washed off his face.

"Come on Hinata! We need to go to look what happened!"

"I... already know... it's too late..."

* * *

 **Aaaaand that's it. I had fun, I hope you did too :)**


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